Tag Archives: Authenticity
Irritation at inauthenticity
One aspect of getting to know someone well is getting to see their inauthenticity – getting to see the difference between how they appear to present themselves to others publically and how they actually appear to be with you ‘privately’- on the many occasions you have met them. This can occasionally express itself as a feeling of irritation towards them.
Its interesting to ask ourselves what is under this feeling of irritation. It may be that the irritation is caused by that person not appearing to fit with a certain belief we have, perhaps a belief that goes something like this: “You should be authentic at all times and in all places”.
But why should we impose this belief on our friend or lover? Isn’t up to them how they behave? Besides, if we did not have this belief – perhaps we wouldn’t get so irritated.
Some men will not sleep* with a prostitute mostly because it allows them to maintain a feeling of moral superiority over those who have.
(I have never slept with a prostitute. So there.)
* Or pick any ‘bad’ thing e.g. cheat romantically, cheat on taxes, lie, gossip etc.
Certain people* appear to have an integrity which is bound up with a fixed ideology. This seems evident in their honesty and political incorrectness. But might it be possible to have integrity without ideology?
Greenspan on Iraq:
Greenspan on the economy:
An alternative view:
* Ron Paul too?
A belief: “To exist you need an ideology”. Here espoused by Alan Greenspan –
If you can’t ‘exist’ without an ideology – then when it fails you can’t dramatically alter it – you are restricted to merely admitting some of its shortcomings:
The Greenspan ideology: http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=newsarchive&sid=az1pRuJzktlk
The experience of name-dropping
You have a famous friend called Serena*. When you mention that “Serena is a friend of mine” in conversation, does it FEEL different when you are ‘name-dropping’ that she is your friend vs. when you merely describing that she is your friend? How does ‘name-dropping’ FEEL different from just ‘describing’?
* ‘Serena’ could also be a e.g. famous university/institution you worked at, or a noteworthy accomplishment etc.
Does ‘sorry’ mean ‘I regret causing you pain or suffering’ or does it mean ‘Please don’t disapprove of me, reject me, think I am bad, tell other people I am bad etc.’?
Truth is an acquired taste. Its easier to spend your whole life honing your skills in proving yourself to ‘be right’ and to put truth firmly aside. Work hard enough and you could become a Grandmaster of self-deception. But even then there will always be small gaps in your armour …
Style is enchanting, but when they are in competition, choose substance. If you can tell the difference.
Truth is an acquired taste – in the same way that vulnerability is an acquired taste. Why would anyone willingly expose themselves to being wrong, again and again and again …?
“Winning does not tempt that man.
His growth is this: to be defeated
by ever greater forces.”